Yeah, well
My car got towed
Called Evan to ask for a ride to pick up my car (Revere police won't let me take a taxi aparently) And still haven't heard from him. Usually he texts me or something, making me all worried about him and such.
I'm having one of those days where you just feel alone. And it sucks.

I'm on sensory nostalgia overload right now.
That first time you are on the beach with your feet in the water, and the sun is beating, and you can smell sunscreen and pizza. And you remember the feeling of every sunny beach day. GOD it's good. I love living on the ocean.
I'm going to go drink ice coffee and read on my porch with the cats.

Evan came to Providence with me, and saw Hair, and hung out with my friends, and didn't complain or make snide comments, and sang shrek to me, and rubbed my feet before we fell asleep.
My heart hurts.

So, Sad news kind of,
I have to find a new home for Annie.
Her and Mocha are fighting all mean tear your hair out like. She's still puking all the time, the vet doesn't know why. A shop keeper said that it might be because she is the less dominant cat and fights for more food than she can keep down, despite the fact that there is always food out.
The even bigger problem is that she's become a pretty adorable cat. She follows me all over the house, thinks that she can fit in my lap when I'm reading or knitting etc. She's very loveable and sweet but she needs someone with more time and money to take care of her. I think she would be fine in a house with other cats just as long as she's the dominant one. And I'm going away for the summer and Jen can't take care of both of them, Mocha is way less maitenence. Anyone know someone who wants a kitty????????????
I can't put her in a shelter i'd feel awful, and I don't want to just give her away to someone who won't want to deal with her and have her end up in a shelter that way. SO PLEASE anyone who wants a cat, a really really cute cat, please let me know.

I want a puppy
And money, money for me and all the people I love, so they can survive without all the constant curency stress.
Some one please find me a job and a dog

thanks
love van

p.s. Sarah plain and tall was one of my favorite books when I was little, and I had no idea there was a movie, which i am now enjoying, thank you Glen Close and Christopher Walkin

hi,
So I think I am going to steal lizzie and go open our own theatre, anyone on board? Neither of us are good with money. I'll give jobs to all my friends, and It can be a theatre/performance art space/classroom/bakery/bar/road house/fun house/circus/stand up comedy showcase/i don't even know. It would just be fun, and original, and exciting.

I feel like after working at NSMT I never want to work for another theatre company again, really if most theatres are like that, then I don't want to be a part of it. I guess you could blame it on the economy, maybe it would have been different if it were an actual costume shop, but really it was kind of depressing, their was nothing original or fun or rewarding about working there, it was just regurgitating musicals for old people and pretending like it was friggen disneyworld. Maybe I should go into the film buisness, then I can just accept that it's all about money and i could give to shits about art. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those art nazi's that drones on and on about a woman standing behind a glass wall for 48 hours being the best thing since the big mac, I love crappy old musicals just as much as the next girl, I really do, they can be charming and wonderful, but HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL II???????!!!!!!!!!! Kill me off, really, is this what is happening to the industry? In that case maybe I'll go be a librarian, or maybe go work at Starbucks, then at least I'd have creative license with chocolate syrup. Mmmm chocolate syrup.

So today was my second day at NMST. I'd like to say I'm not exhausted, but that would be a terrible lie. I feel I am quickly becoming aquainted with my fellow staff seeing as my first day was a ten hour day, my second a two show and tomarrow will be a two show. Theatre in the round is proving to be an interesting challenge, there is A LOT more running, litteral running, as in RUN. But the space is cool, and was built to be a theatre so it has all kinds of cool things like tracked curtains to block off doorways so we can do quick changes. Also becuase it is in the round, we number the stage doors by a clock face... luckily it's labeled, or I would be for seriously fucked, I have 6 and 12 down because thats as far as you can go on either side. I'm finding that RIC actually taught me quite well, I seem to know more about what I am doing then well a lot of people. BUT also I think I am the only one in wardrobe that majored in design and construction, also I think I am the only one (sans my two supervisors) that has done this before, I kinda feel like I'm the Wardrobe whore, I've been everywhere, and done everything. I should really get some sleep since it's going to be an early morning. YAY 10 am shows. I got out at 11pm I have to be there at 8am.
WOOT

OKAY
So i am the kind of person who will take it up the butt so many times that she eventually snaps in a journal, online, where no one is going to get hurt.
THEN someone reads it, and gets hurt
YOU HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A PARASITE FOR WEEKS,
You told me I could trust you, and it was a blatent lie. SO NOW I HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY?????????
Guilty becuase you saw a STUPID LIVE JOURNAL POST
this is stupid.
Aparently you underestimated your ability to make me feel miserable. Maybe you think I am a stronger person than i really am. I would really like to think you're not sinister enough to do this on purpose.

so i guess that means locked posts from now on
wooo hoo

My last mainstage show,
not going to lie, pretty damn exciting!
I think it will be sad one day a few weeks from now, but right now, after the hell that was putting up that show, and dealing with the asshole actors who don't know how good they have it... well frankly, i'm not crying!

So on thursday, when jesse needed help, he was willing to speak to me, but yesterday and today... no such luck.
Fuck you jess, seriously, get over yourself, your not half the person I thought you were. Treat me like shit then run home to your family if thats whats going to make you happy, but for your sake, I really hope you grow the fuck up. Oh, and a pair of testicles, I think you can buy them online these days, check it out, you'll be needing them.

So not going to lie, kinda wish some of my family had been able to come to the show, I feel kind of selfish, but I feel like it's kind of a big deal, my last RIC show, and I wish someone had been there for it. Also, for those of you reading this, flowers, flowers would be nice, no one has ever come to a show to see me, and brought flowers. TECHIES NEED LOVE TOO DAMNIT! We do, this show especially, consumed all of us, it's all we talked about, we skipped classes, we skipped sleep, we worked like animals, some flowers, and a little love, would be AWESOME. Maybe I'm just too stuck up now. Bill came in to the dressing rooms and thanked us for our help and I wanted to yell at him HELP? WE FUCKING WORKED!!! AND WE FUCKING ROCKED IT! Despite Charlotte being CRAZY! HELP???????? just saying.

It just keeps getting better, I just talked to my dad for the first time in a while. My step mother found it very important to make sure i knew that I was not to talk to my little brother (age nine) about my transgendered adult cousin. Because:
"he wont understand, we are just going to tell him, that we were playing a joke on him, he was right the whole time, Tarah is a boy."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? No need to talk to him, or explain anything, really? Yeah, that will be TOTALLY OK! Here is the thing, my brother has always thought Tarah is a boy, and thats fine, becuase he really is right, but, they made such a big fucking deal of the fact that tarah is a girl, and now their idea of "handling it" (because it is clearly something that needs to be "handled") is to tell Cody, sorry we were just kidding! And they have asked me not to talk to him about it. I told my step mother if he asked me, I wasn't going to avoid the question. I'll respect her decision as a parent enough not to bring it up to Cody, but what kind of parent teaches there children to be ignorant. This all could have been avoided if you were less judgmental in the first place. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

okay annoyed post, I'll just go cry my emo self to sleep now. After I take a few pics of myself through my bathroom mirror.

I thought we were over this crap.... aparently not. DUMBASS! I am a girl and I have bigger testicles!

SOooooo
Tech week...
awesome.......
if charlotte were less crazy.
Today was fun actually cause Charlotte was not in the shop, so it was a whole lot of minor repares and maxi pad hats and a good time was had by all.

Just when I think Diane is being all cool, calm, and organized, she does something foul. Actually she waits just long enough for someone else to bitch about her and for me to stand up for her, AND THEN she does something foul. SO not only is she a pain in the ass, but I'm a douche bag.

So aparently everyone and there Mom are on this site, but everyone is too embarased to talk about it, SO, Gabbi, Nikki, everyone else..... if your browsing journals, It's Savana.

I think i need to do something crazy with my life, this going to work, then school, then work, then school, the a lot more work thing sucks some pretty grotesque balls. Maybe I'm such a bitter queen because I never have any fun, or maybe I really have just turned into a bitch. Either way, who wants to start drinking?!!?!??!

so yeah

um
i don't know what to do with myself
i've got everything going for me right now
but im completely miserable,
hopefully a weekend packed with jen drummy and lizzie butt, (my two semi professional therapists) will shed some light on the subject

Who would have thought the little fucker was right!
And I am happy,
life is weird.
FO Serious yo!

now im going to go cuddle with Annie!

I CAN"T EVEN WALLOW IN MY SELF PITY

"i was only trying to help"


NO YOUR NOT

FUCK MY LIFE
what the hell?????????????????????


I miss liz
I am home
crying
and I get Imed

"you know you can always call me if your upset right"
"no I can't"
"why not"
"because I am not your problem, what are you going to do? run out of your house at 930 at night and come hold my hand?"
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you asked me whats wrong?????
NOOOO!!!!!
Have you offered to call, take me out, come visit me......
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!


and now
instead of making me feel better, I am upset, and I want to strangle you!

so what I really want to say is
"I'm not okay, and you can't handle that, because you are too fucking afraid, so stop idealizing me, cause IM NOT FUCKING PERFECT, and i never will be"

so officially single.
definatley don't know how i feel, I laughed and cried at the same time about what a total and complete idiot tom is, but that lasted like two minutes.

so now that I am single.... who wants to sleep with me????
and more importantly who wants to sleep with colleenie? It wouldn't be fair if i got laid before her, not only has it been a lot longer but she likes sex more than i do.

So went to actf, they hated us in general had a few good expiriences:

rooming with chuck
watching chuck drink for twelve hours straight three days in a row
watching chuck get three straight guys naked
getting the hash
an array of monologues
a really bad play about love... and flamingos
bill wilson telling me i had to call tom becuase he is one of bills favorites
me telling bill he should just take tom out
cheers governor
never have i ever
chicken
went to spamalot and made out with lancelot
dance parties
juggeling elevator clowns
4 hours in confrence rooms in the middle of the night with the greek
hot tub at 6 45 am
running into a girl from high school
meeting one extremely sexy techie by a stroke of chucks twisted luck
shitty discovery channel ghost stories
movie stop
many new friends

2 bottles of champagne
8 six packs
1 twelve pack
2 bottles of vodka
3 bottles of wine
dissarono
kaluha
baileys

It's amazing all the things we did in 5 days
I actually felt like a college student for the first time in a long time, we had a lot of fun acted like idiots, and got to do some cool theatre stuff.

I think I may actually be physically (chemicaly) depressed
all I want to do anymore is sleep and cry
and I can't do either
wtf mate?

soooooooo
school started again... awesome. Well atleast it is my last semester.
So pretty busy this semester, trying to get my shit together to go to actf on tuesday.
trying to get my shit together in general...
just can't get myself motivated at all, i just want to sleep all the time. Went to G. Love last night, and while the concert was great I almost feel asleep more times than I want to count.
Sooooooooo I'm lame
yeah..

Tom and I are "on a break"
really confused
weird
ok


"Juno" was wonderful, I suggest it to anyone who likes things that are awkward and cute a.k.a Kimya Dawson

So I am kind of officially moved into my new apartment, will post pictures soon, my cats still have fleas, but I have to try harder to get rid of them because they are going to spend some time with Gabby and Nicki (who have agreed to cat sit) in a couple of weeks. I am still avoiding homework, becuase it is stupid, and I have way to much of it. I am still really broke, cause yeah.

I have been hanging out with my friends again lately, which is really really nice, Yesterday we all worked from ten to 6 and then spent most of the evening in Diane's family hot tub. I really can't complain, there was beer, pizza, and hot cocoa all involved.
I have been fighting with Tom all the time, he and I fought all last night. It is getting exhausting, I don't know what to do anymore, we are still having the same fight we had four months ago, nothing seems to be getting better.

but i love him.

Aparently my dad got me tickets to arizona, but he didn't call me, and when i finaly got a hold of him, he doesn't exactly know the time, dree and I aren't on the same flight, and Michael isn't going to be there, MAN I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS! All i know is thank god adriann will be able to drink because we are going to be FUCKED, stuck there for eight days. I know it sounds really dramatic, but all jen has told me for years is how much her family doesn't like me, and to an extent it is true.

gah, stress, lots of stress, life should become easier, and lots of fun, with games and pie, i like pie.

I've been noticing that i'm almost always insanely busy working and going to school, and juggeling life. Well today that got even more difficult. I have a new job, that i'm extremely excited about because it will open up some pretty awesome oppertunities come post graduation.
So this is what my life looks like for the next semester

Sept.
3rd: start work 9-5 at trinity until classes start
5th: classes start, work at costume studio starts, start going to trinity after class
7-9th: vaca in montreal with boyfriend who will hopefully still love me after this semester
10th-16th: tech, work, classes
13th: My bday
16-18th: Camping multiple bday celebration (i'm going to try very hard to make it to, for some of the time
Sept.17th-october 28th: run show at trinity everyday but monday, this includes wednesday afternoons.
20something to 30something: Run you can't take it with you (i don't think it is going to happen)
28th: liz jens 23 weenies 21st bdays

Oct.
Run show at Trinity all this month.
7th: aniversary
15th: tom's bday
start working on my show for RIC

Nov.
Work franticly on Cuckoos nest
7thish to 14th ish: Run cuckoos nest
Hopefully get out to Arizona for thanksgiving but maybe not

Dec.
Africa for Christmas
maybe arizona now that i'll have some mad cash and not have to worry so much about paying februarys rent.

Now all this time i will still be going to school and working in the costume studio. I'm really excited because this is a SERIOUSLY AWESOME deal for me.
And god willing the money from this job will go half into helping pay the bills and if tom hasn't gone on tour in the spring then the other half of the money is going to hawaii for spring break, screw it. He has been wanting to go.

So somewhere in that i have to plan taking out weenie for her birthday as promised, and going to visit my brand new favorite neice-like friend maggie.

So to keep myself calm cool and collected i think i'll be writting alot more often.